Well here we are, the end of another year. We say it all the time, but this year has absolutely flown by, hasn’t it?! We are now in the realms of numbers that I always imagined as a child were like the ‘sci-fi’ years…2024! I mean where are the utopia scenes of colourful talking plants, floating cars, and holographic portals that I always envisaged would be part of normal everyday life by now?
Life never seems to be what we dream it to be in the moment and can cause us grief of disillusionment. I certainly never expected my year to pan out how it has this year. I am sure I am not the only one. The never-ending feelings of treading on water. The lessons given to us that we didn’t know we had to learn and experiences we didn’t want to go through. The emotions and fears we had to face, whilst maintaining an everyday normality. But here we are, another year in our timelines completed.
I have undergone many changes this year, practically, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
I have been left heartbroken, depleted at times, frustrated, and confused. I have experienced rejection, disrespected, been made to feel like an option and often under prioritised. People have left my life; some have returned into my life and others I have had to re-evaluate their relationship to me and make hard decisions to release toxic energies around me.
However, as I reflect on 2023, I am also very aware of all the positive moments I have been fortunate enough to experience.
To experience heartbreak, you have had to experience connection and love. I am grateful for this and the memories that shape my understanding of what it is to feel love. It is a hard lesson to learn to understand when love is not reciprocated in a way that you are deserving of, that you must navigate a way through, and self-reflection is how I have managed this. It is what shapes our perspectives and compassion levels. It can be the driver for change and the builder of hope to embrace what is important to us and the building blocks of the life we create for ourselves.
It has been difficult to not always be present in the company of ones I hold dear to my heart and feel helpless whilst witnessing friends and families grieve for loved ones lost, and family dynamics change due to health and old age.
Despite not always feeling my best this year, I have held onto my passions and taken a few leaps of faith that I am proud of. I remembered how to use my voice and write authentically. I encouraged myself to stand proud and, in my power, to help others, as well as myself. I pushed myself out of comfort zones and took opportunities in career, love, friendships, and travel. A massive positive of this year is the recognition of who your true support and friends are in life when you are going through major transformations. I have been blessed with so much support and love, from many special friends, some old, some new and some from unexpected people or chance encounters. Some I have never even met in person, but the compassion and empathy have kept my spirits high and enabled me to share lots of laughter and tears, even when I have felt at my most vulnerable. This has helped me value the importance of being in safe spaces, which can be challenging when people spend much of their life feeling unsafe.
Some of my highlights this year have been reconnecting with people who are important to me that I love, who encouraged and believed in me enough to help regain a bit of my lost confidence. This then led to me being able to sing briefly in public again, (once with the legends that are Carroll Thompson and Janet Kay). I didn’t realise how much I had let music slip out of my life despite it being my main love language and selfcare tool. I have embraced being introduced to new music and reliving memories of music I used to listen to. Although at times this has felt like a blessing and a curse. I have gained professional experience, networked with amazing women both virtually and in person, who have inspired me. I was able to become an accredited Trauma Informed trainer, peer reviewed a ground-breaking published trauma journal, started my own business, and am about to begin a brand-new job role where I already feel appreciated for my expertise. I have witnessed my children thrive, smashing exams and their own personal goals, despite hardships as a family this year. I am so proud of them both for the wonderful young adults they are becoming and the way they handle their emotions and life perspectives. I have made time for myself more, something I really struggled with previously without guilt, I have travelled to four different countries this year and managed to visit new places in the UK with wonderful people. I tried lots of new things, some I liked…some…well now I know (I don’t like tripe in Italy-or anywhere for that matter!).
I don’t really resonate with New Years Resolutions as a term of phrase. I feel it puts way too much pressure on people that places us in a cycle of guilt when we feel unaccomplished in our goals, which could be for a variety of reasons, and often ends up in the Fuck It Bucket of life goals, blurring our sense of worth and creating unrealistic expectations, like we need more pressure in our lives!
Instead, I like to set Intentions. These are a broader, useful guide for me to focus on long term rather than pander to social unrealistic and often faddy expectations. Do I want to embark on attempting ‘Dry January’ or eating ‘clean’ shades of beige and brown to detox my liver, grow my eyebrows, reduce my cellulite etc etc…er no, and if I pretended I did, I would not feel authentically happy about it for very long (If you are wanting to try these things for yourself, no judgement lol, I am rooting for you!). Being health aware of course, I will always advocate for, but intentions should be about what is going to make you feel contentment and lead you to a place of joy. Helping you evolve and finding ways to help your personal manifestations and wish fulfilments a reality.
Did I follow through on all my intentions this year…of course I didn’t. Some intentions came about that I didn’t even know I was creating until they were literally staring me in the face! I set out to learn to play the guitar…I will intend to try again this year. I also set out to keep to a well organised schedule of household chores, meal planning, prepping, and budgeting. But life had other plans for me this year and I had to learn to let go of things that I couldn’t control and embrace the things I could in a realistic way, that kept me healthy and safe.
During 2024, I Intend to continue my journey of self-discovery, keep reflecting, growing, and sharing my knowledge, committing to raise awareness of trauma informed practice, domestic abuse, wellbeing and creating safe spaces for people to help raise their voice and be their authentic selves.
I intend to take myself to some kind of Latin dancing lessons as I have spent 25 years waiting on empty promises of people to join me or take me and I am now at a place where I appreciate myself enough to do this for myself. I intend to continue my martial arts journey as it keeps me grounded both physically and mentally. But mostly I intend to not let negative life experiences keep my heart closed from human connection, love, opportunities, and happiness. I intend to not let past trauma and other’s choices impact my moving forward in life.
I would love to hear your 2024 intentions, but if it is something you do not like to share, that’s ok. I hope you can give yourself that safe space to intend to do things that make you feel safe and happy and remember to be kind to yourself when things don’t go to plan. Maybe give yourself 10 minutes today to gather your thoughts and do some reflecting on all the amazing things you have achieved this year, that you may have forgotten about, or remember all the experiences or interactions that have made you feel happy, or at peace. Even when there have been upheavals, it is easy to minimise the good stuff. Allow yourself to reflect and be proud.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me this year, whether personally or professionally.
I wish you all the blessings 2024 has to offer, and even when you have days that are heavy, and you need rest and finding it difficult to remember just how amazing you are, there will be others advocating and rooting for you, who view you as their inspiration.
Let's be excited about what 2024 brings for us all and continue to help each other face the challenges it will no doubt give us all at some point.
Here is to a Happy, Healthy, Safe New Year!
Love, The Feminist Ambivert xx

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